To-do list

Where do we even start?

Let's make a todo list. A list of things that I need to do. Or undo. In which case it won't be a to-do list anymore. It will be more like a to-undo list.

Making the later is definitely tougher. It is easy to find things that you want to do. For an undo list, you have to look deeper inside yourself, find things that you hate. Be honest with yourself. Find ways of ripping out. It is like losing a part of your individuality. Usually, whether we like it or not, certain attributes become a part of us. Even if an attribute falls into the definition of our 'bad', it is so rooted into our being, doing away with it would cause our individuality to react in an adverse manner. ..

(to be continued)

Logging out

He woke up to the loud and annoyed home system. It had started hurling abuses left and right, at an elevated voice. He had failed to wake up on its earlier wake up calls and pissed it off. It took him some time to calm him down and he asked for his mails, prioritized. He picked up the first. It was from Sarah, a pissed Sarah at that - even if he muted the mail, it would have been evident from the animated expressions she was making. It was her usual complaint - him not being able to give time to her, and a detailed tirade accompanying that. He disappointed her by giving no reply, no explanation. It wasn't that he didn't care about her. He had something else to take care of first.

He remembered the meme he had created to woo her. It wasn't a complicated one, but he was careful to leave no stone unturned and it took him two days to finally make it. He left it in her inbox and she traced it back to him. It was a game of memetic volley-ball made by the finest craftsman of memes and there was no looking back. He created more and soon, she was head over heels in love with him. He felt wonderful in thinking that he was able to make her feel wonderful. Until recently, when he started thinking what he did was manipulating her.

He opened his visuals and took a look at the charts. Some new kids on the block had hit high on the charts. Incredible speed and endurance. Some were able to hit the front pages in minutes and stay on there for months. It reminded him of himself in his heyday. He was responsible for creating one of the best in his time. That's how he had been employed at the G as early as when he was fourteen. He continued to make waves with his ideas and he enjoyed the adulation he garnered. Until he realized something was really wrong.

He realized it was wrong for people's fate to be decided by a bunch of algorithms. Wrong to disclose every idea, every thought that passed through one's mind. Wrong to be fed his next line of thought, something recommended for him depending on what his prior thoughts have been. He realized it was wrong to kill free will. And he did not want to be a part of such a crime anymore.

He had decided he had to stop it at any cost. But he could not do it alone. He needed people, an army. Thus, he began crafting feelers. It was a long, tedious process but he knew his patience would pay off. It did, and the few he found, he mentored them well. Slowly, but steadily, his army grew in size. It was gratifying, but he still had concerns. He was not getting any younger, and he needed someone else. Someone who could emulate and exceed him. Someone he could trust enough to pass the baton to.

The visuals beeped, snapping him out of his trance. He jumped in anticipation. He quickly sent a trace. His fingers tapped frantically trying to dissipate his excitement as he waited the seconds. Taiwan. More seconds as he ran the decryption, tested the signature. Positive. Rerun. Positive.

It was a kid, fourteen, just as he had been. And he had found him. It felt like discovering one's own son and finding out what a proud father he was.

Finally, he could log out.

The song is 'Ode to my Family'. By the Cranberries; and it is haunting. But that's not the point of this post.

it is one of those moments when i need some retrospection/introspection. this post aspires to do precisely that. before i begin, let me define the mood - 1:21 am, all my flat-mates asleep, a can of beer already drowned, and i have been surfing over orkut people from my school, whom i have no contact whatsoever for all these years.

it is funny. most of them haven't changed much. at least not much in how they look. if they came in front of me, it is quite probable that i would recognize their faces, if not their faces along with their names. that could be difficult. and to think of it, it's been almost a decade since i left school. a decade.

there is some tits and bits of information that you can gather from the scraps, or whatever is visible of them. and it is incredible how everyone has pretty similar stories to tell.

to be contd....

Lazy Sunday

First post after making the CSS changes. But still too lazy to write anything longer than this. Best viewed in CSS3 compliant browser.

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Joining the twitter revolution. My thoughts don't fit in to sentences longer than 140 chars anymore.

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Learning how to draw manga. Proficiency: 1/10. Now know how to draw eyes, lips, hair.

i have got nothing to say. thought i will blog about it.

your job and you

what a shitty job

lehman brothers file for bankruptcy, the us feds bail aig out, and oil hits less than $100 a barrel. a month back there was news about citibank selling its flats in mumbai to raise capital. and what's the most common reaction i see in people around me?

everyone's happy; in a sadistic way. but happy nonetheless. it is the kind of happiness that comes when australia loses a cricket series. or when brazil is beaten by a croatia.

i have friends who work in lehman. they are not worried at all. rather, it is a welcome break for them. they are smart and they are of the opinion that they will get into any job any time they want. good for them.

my mom on seeing all the chaos on the news channels called me up to find out if everything was ok. i told her everything was ok. as of now i see no way i am going to get affected by any of this. i don't invest in stocks. the place i work is quite distant from all these financial upheavals. (i might start thinking of how my life will be affected when my company is in full flow and when it is ready to take on google. but not right now.)

Agony aunt

Trip.

I got woken up by the persistent knock on my door. It was pitch-dark and I could not help wondering who could it be at the door. A glance at my cell-phone told me it was a little before 4 am. Knock. Knock. I went to open the door, anxious. There were two of them at the door: L and F. As if not to lose any time, F blurted out: "Dude, we are going to Goa."

I just stood there, pondering over the suggestion. They were serious. I could not think of a logical answer. Denial seemed to be the best option.
"I have a quiz on Tuesday."

"We will be back by then. And anyway, it is not as if you are going to slog for the quiz or anything."

"No, you don't understand. This is an important quiz. I fucked up the previous one pretty badly. I have to redeem myself this time around."

"See da," F started. "We will be back by Monday afternoon, and you have the entire evening for your preparation, or whatever it is you want to do before the quiz."

I knew my argument was weak. But I had to keep something going. I needed to find a chink in their armor.

"Do you have anything else other than this quiz to make you stop from coming?"

"No." I didn't.

"You can get your notes if you want. You can read in the journey if you are really worried about it."

"That's not going to work at all."

L continued,"Forget that. See dude, we definitely need a break. This is the last time we are going to be together. And we haven't been out together for quite some time now. "

"That's emotional blackmail."

"Of course, it is."

"Who else is coming?"

"P and V are."

"What about S and C?"

"We need to talk to them."

"Hmm. Ok, if they are coming, I will too."

"Let's go to their rooms then."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

"Ok."

Difference between Yahoo and Google

π

Incidentally, I know upto 15! Something I memorized when I was in my 8th standard and remember till now. Does that make me a ****?

Image courtesy: ToothPasteForDinner

Every once in a while, you decide to be completely true to yourself, what your innermost desire is, and discover that to be the toughest thing to do. Granted, it is indeed a really tough thing in itself to find what you absolutely want. And the way to discovering that is finding out what you don't want for sure, and avoiding that. Again, if what you abhor conflicts with what someone else does desire, it becomes another dilemma. More so if it is going to affect someone you care for. Which path do you tread then? Do you consider that your happiness lies in someone else's, and decide to undertake something that you are sure of disliking? Or you avoid it, thus violating someone else's happiness and perhaps your own? Or you want to be steadfast in your decision and think that, perhaps, the other person should think about your happiness too?

I guess it is fine to stick to your decision - no remorse, no regrets. Some could argue that our decision hardly matters as we will anyway get obscured in front of big players like Fate and Time. I disagree. What we are is definitely our making and I vehemently refuse to believe that someone else is in control of my life, whether it be real or imaginary. I have seen a few people around me who have gathered the strength to undertake what they really want. It has given me hope. I don't want to resign to a fate that I know for sure that I am not comfortable just for the sake of it. I may not know what I want, but I do know what I won't like. And I refuse to get caught in that.

It is unfair to expect people to understand what you are going through, especially when you are short of completely understanding the situation yourself. You give up trying to explain yourself because you know it is something inexplicable. People will call it a whim and what not, but you know that you did it because you had to.

I see some signs of what path I intend to take. The shape is vague, but I think I can mold it to something concrete. Something I know I would enjoy doing with no one giving me directions. I don't see it as a challenge, I don't see it as something forced down on me. It is something I have to do, and I will end up doing it.

Working from home

you can't even cry