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# How do you extract iron from Hema Malini?
Get her drunk. Then she'll get tight. Now u have hema-tite. You can extract iron from that.

# son: mom, what's there to eat?
mom: hum eat ka jawaab pathhar se denge

# Two paint tankers, one carrying red paint, and one carrying purple paint, collide. The sailors were marooned.

# Two atoms are walking along. Suddenly one says "oh no! I've lost an electron!"
"Really? You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"

# Did you hear about the dyslexic who walks into a bra?

# What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.

# What's the difference between regular garlic and roasted garlic?
A gypsy once told me it was the roasting, but you shouldn't trust the gypsies

#
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, leaped into the air waving his front legs, and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a pair of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

# A Times Roman walk into a bar
The barman says, "Oi- get out! We don't want your type in here"

# Two muffins were sitting on a counter. One looks to the other and says "How've you been today?" The other screams "AH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

# How do you tell a boy chromosome from a girl chromosome?
You pull down its genes.

# A man goes to a party and sees a man with a banana in his ear. He goes up to him ad says "Excuse me, did you know you have a banana in your ear?"
"Pardon?"
"I said did you know you have a banana in your ear?"
"Sorry?"
"You have a banana in your ear."
"What?"
"YOU...HAVE...BANANA....IN.....YOUR.....EAR"
The other man replies "I'm sorry, I can't hear you, I've got a banana in my ear!"

# Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Would you repeat the question?

# Descartes walks into a bar and orders a tequila sunrise. The bartender looks at him for a moment and says "Wouldn't you like something a bit more manly?" Descartes says "I think not!" and disappears.

# A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”
“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

# Three people of different nationalities walk into the bar. Two of them say something smart, and the third one makes a mockery of his fellow countrymen by acting dumb.

# So a stripper walks into a Pole:
"Sorry ma'am."
"What? A pole can talk?!"

# A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses Alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, for a start it says you're not wearing any underwear..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing underwear!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

# A Pole walks into a bar

# A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Then suddenly the constant function sees a differential operator approaching and runs away. So e^x follows him and asks why the hurry.
"Well, you see, there's this diff.operator coming this way, and when we meet, he'll differentiate me and nothing will be left of me!"
"Ah," says e^x, "he won't bother ME, I'm e to-the x!" and he walks on. Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance.
e^x : "Hi, I'm e^x"
diff.op. : "Hi, I'm d/dy"

# Who is sodium?
Shahrukh Khan ("Main Hoon Na" )