Every once in a while, you decide to be completely true to yourself, what your innermost desire is, and discover that to be the toughest thing to do. Granted, it is indeed a really tough thing in itself to find what you absolutely want. And the way to discovering that is finding out what you don't want for sure, and avoiding that. Again, if what you abhor conflicts with what someone else does desire, it becomes another dilemma. More so if it is going to affect someone you care for. Which path do you tread then? Do you consider that your happiness lies in someone else's, and decide to undertake something that you are sure of disliking? Or you avoid it, thus violating someone else's happiness and perhaps your own? Or you want to be steadfast in your decision and think that, perhaps, the other person should think about your happiness too?

I guess it is fine to stick to your decision - no remorse, no regrets. Some could argue that our decision hardly matters as we will anyway get obscured in front of big players like Fate and Time. I disagree. What we are is definitely our making and I vehemently refuse to believe that someone else is in control of my life, whether it be real or imaginary. I have seen a few people around me who have gathered the strength to undertake what they really want. It has given me hope. I don't want to resign to a fate that I know for sure that I am not comfortable just for the sake of it. I may not know what I want, but I do know what I won't like. And I refuse to get caught in that.

It is unfair to expect people to understand what you are going through, especially when you are short of completely understanding the situation yourself. You give up trying to explain yourself because you know it is something inexplicable. People will call it a whim and what not, but you know that you did it because you had to.

I see some signs of what path I intend to take. The shape is vague, but I think I can mold it to something concrete. Something I know I would enjoy doing with no one giving me directions. I don't see it as a challenge, I don't see it as something forced down on me. It is something I have to do, and I will end up doing it.